Journal entry:

Since I can’t find my 2010 journal anymore, this will take it’s place.  It may be old news to others by now, but Janet had our 15th grandchild on April 27th—a girl named Inge Elise.  Eric sent me pictures, and she is a chubby little cherub! 

What caught my eye (after Inge, of course) was the look on Britta’s face in each photo where she is looking at her new baby sister. I can’t put it exactly into words—there was a look of wonder, of tenderness, and maybe a little left-over fear from viewing the birth.  It was a whole new experience for her.  I just loved the look on her face; it kept drawing me to her in each photo.  I wanted to pick her up and hold her.

I’m really looking forward to holding Inge and seeing her with her eyes wide open.  I can’t tell who she  looks like yet.  It’s good to have one more baby in the family because the older grandkids are growing up too fast and taking their first steps out into the world—away from grandma!

Bryce is about ready to fly to Hamburg, Germany, if he isn’t there already.  He spent the requisite time in the MTC, where they educated him  about his new mission—the culture, the language, and how to be a good missionary.  I’m really looking forward to hearing from him and he progresses.

Morphine Standoff

I have come to the realization that there is a cost to pain relief.  The more pain relief I get, the less brain power I have.  I’m going to keep my morphine level where it is now because I’m alarmed at how it interferes with talking and thinking.  I stutter and stammer, embarrassing me and making me reluctant to enter a conversation.  That is anathema to a chatter-box like me!

Exit the Pain in the Butt?

I think I’m seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn’t an oncoming train!  Today is my first day with no oral meds at all.  The doctor is adjusting my morphine doses upwards, slowly, and I’m allowed to give myself three bolus doses a day.

Now, all I need is some energy and stamina and VOILA, the old ME will be back in business.

I love Janet’s “J and Crew” blog page, but it makes mine SUCK!

Deed is Done

Yesterday I got stabbed in my back and in my lower abdomen—at least that’s what it feels like!  All went well, and it’s all over except for the healing.  I won’t be able to tell how effective it is as a pain reliever until I heal.

Thank you all for your prayers and concerns.  It means a lot to be to have so much love shown to me.

I will have some control over the device with an exterior control, but I have to READ the instructions: Argggggggggggg!  Eric, where are you when I need you!  Don’t worry, I’ll call a representative of the company that makes these and let them explain.

Well, one thing I have learned about all these years of continuous pain: I understand people who are ‘long suffering’ better.

D-Day!

Friday is “de day”.  I get the implant at 10:30 a.m. and should be home by mid-afternoon if all goes well.  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling fear and trepidation, but I have to try this one last trick at the bottom of the doctor’s bag.  It’s either this or face taking pain killers for the rest of my life.  I guess there is another choice—no drugs at all.  I’d get my brain back, but I don’t know if I could life with constant pain.

Your prayers would be appreciated.

Love, Mom

3rd morphine try

It was useless.  I don’t know how big of a dose he gave me, but it didn’t seem to have any effect except to make me spacey.  I called him later to tell  him my dismal report, and he said  not to worry about it, that the implant WILL work.  He said the shots of morphine are just requirements of the insurance companies.  Go figure!

He does implants at a hospital in Tacoma the first Wednesday of every month and I may be able to get mine in March.  It had better work or I’m going to be one unhappy dude-grandmother!

Wheel got greased

 

Finally, I got hold of Dr Li and we made an appointment (for tomorrow afternoon) for my last morphine trial.  After that I should be able to set the appointment for the implant.  Oh, Lord, I hope it works!